Wednesday, September 13, 2006

1st week over.


With the help of my wonderful boyfriend, I finally got my studio finished. Now it just looks empty and white. I signed up for a draw to win a $500 studio make over. I never win those things, but it sure could come in handy considering that I have not a penny to my name after my Greek adventures. It was worth it, but I need a job now.



I started dawing on my wall. My plan this semester is to work large on the wall while I have smaller projects going on such as prints. As you can maybe see, I drew a huge drawing of Queen Victoria sitting on a pile of celtic-head-new-born-mice-bodies. Yes, I'm going crazy. No, actually I've been thinking a lot lately about appropriating old celtic forms to contemporary visual images, and through that working through recent issues and clashes between new and old Ireland. If you've been an active reader of my blog, you know that I have been working through this issue for some time now. When I close my eyes I see it happening. Because I have to write my thesis this semester, I am also getting a clearer sense of what I am drawn to and why which is making my art process easier and clearer. As an undergrad I spent a lot of time working on one powerful image but then it would die, and I work on something new altogether. I'm slowly learning that by taking one thing and beating it to death you can discover many more meanings and paths to take it. I often thought that people with no true talent approached art this way, but I'm wrong. It's not as much about talent as it is about exploration and truth.

This past week has been hard for me. Taking a year off was a great idea, but jumping back into it as a second year is tough. I really need to play catch up. I have to learn who everybody is again, and get a feel for this new class. This class is a lot younger than my class and they are more fun and outgoing. The new 1st class seem really really sweet. A lot of them are from the midwest, so that makes me very happy. We will invade and conquor. This past week, I've been having crazy nightmares again as I did when I was a 1st year, so I hope those go away. I've also been waking up panicked and I sweat a lot in class. I know I'm not the only one because other people in my class have been feeling the same way. I wish I was a 1st year again. It was tough but it was such a great year to explore and experiment. Adjusting to a new school was frustrating and heartbreaking, and nothing is ever going to be as nice as it was in the printshop of love, but I'm glad to be exposed to a new environment with new ideas and new processes. I've lived in three different countries, so I'm used to adjusting, but adjusting to graduate school was probably the hardest thing I ever went through. I think a lot has to do with taking that next step in your life where there is no first kiss or prom or first college party or any of those life rituals that you go through when you are young. Your not a college kid, not yet a mother or father, not even yet a professional, just a mid-20 yr old student stuck in no-mans land not knowing how to get where you want to go. But this is a great age really. It's time to get rid of those nasty habits, overcome certain anxieties, finally figure out what hair style best suits you. Knowing when to stop drinking, knowing what a jerky guy looks like and telling him to piss off. I guess it's about getting down to the real truth of oneself and growing inwards-out. Some people think they have it all figured out when they know nothing. I used to think I was the only one who new it all then I realized I didn't, and now I realize that neither does anybody else. Everybody is so insecure it's really amazing. So many people hide it so well. Then there are the "elders" who really help and care. I'm so fortunate to have many "elders" who care about me and understand. Sometimes I wish that the professors in my school would stop pushing me so much, but i know they do it because they genuinely care and they know it is tough after graduate school, and how much they are happy that they are not going to grad school these days. I have to stop writing now. I'm tired. But for all of you: "hang on-drink a pint-take a nap-hang on"


Close up of celtic-head-new-born-mice-bodies

5 comments:

theviper said...

Your words of wisdom are truly comforting.

general gow said...

why so nervous kid? your stuff is awesome. and you have great insight. you will do more than fine...

Annie B said...

Great drawing of the queen and the mice! And I love what you wrote: "I used to think I was the only one who knew it all, then I realized I didn't, and now I realize that neither does anybody else." That sounds true to me: we're all just groping our way along, doing the best we can with what we've got. I figure that since we're all pretty much in the same boat we might as well help each other out when we get a chance. Here's wishing you a great semester.

phantompanther said...

all I have to say is welcome back and I'm sure the game of catch up won't take you long at all-- you rock!

bono said...

Mandy, You always amaze me. Everytime I get to read your blog I become reinspired and can't wait to get back to my studio to work. You remind what it means to be a passionate artist. You remind me why I went off to grad school in the first place. And your right, this coming year is about us finding ourselves from the inside out....I can't wait to talk to you when this is all through... I think we need to take a printmaking trip to some far off country as a treat to ourselves... hang in there hun, I'm exited to see some more of you work....